Do I really feel thankful?

It isn't lost on me that my 'happy happy joy joy' "How Can It Be A Bad Day When..." blog on Thursday was directly chased by my whiny Friday "I don't get it" post.  Yes...opposition.  Positive joy and thanksgiving hand-in-hand (or nearly) with that horrid envy-headed creature of ungratefulness.

It isn't lost on me.

It also isn't lost on me that the very woman I scornfully questioned may be the one to direct me upwards and onwards...upwards to a grace-filled God who provides abundance in and through all.  In everything more than could be expected or desired or even, with our teeny human brains that use only 10% of their capability, imagined.

Ann Voskamp's one thousand gifts is difficult treading.

Sometimes, sadly and ashamedly, I don't WANT to be thankful.  I want only to embrace misery (which isn't even true misery in the worldview context of misery).  As my friend Julie often explains, "sometimes we just want to sit in our dirty, crappy, icky, poopy diapers".

I glance around and of course I can name things I appreciate, that bring me joy.  At work today I noticed things like

• shelved boxes, lined up like little cardboard soldiers, practically shouting, "Look at us!  Look at how neat we are!  Look at us!"
• the safe hum of the freezer keeping thousands of dollars worth of product frozen
• jack o' lantern grins...cloth Hallowe'en bags peering out from a container, ready to be unwrapped and divvied out
• glass of room temperature water (because sometimes I prefer room temperature thank you very much)
• shiny mopped red and white floor tiles, like a vibrant chess board thanking me for cleaning them

But do I really feel it?  And if I don't TRULY feel it, is it really there?

^{Ephesians 5:20} giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ [emphasis added]

Giving thanks for the good, the bad, the ugly...for all things.

"Life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change." (p.61, Voskamp)

That is hard stuff.

And hopefully, it isn't lost on me.