"The Stupid Thing" Toilet Saga Continued

“Just wondering if you happen to have a
snake?”  Repeat this ten times over the phone
and a few times in person to closest neighbours. 
No one seems to own one of these devices (plumbing devices;
we are not seeking a boa constrictor
though a plumbing snake proves to
be almost as exotic). 

 One person we can think of who has a snake. 
In fact, the one I have been meaning to borrow
for about a year since I have foreseen this impending disaster. 
(The need to daily plunge
the toilet was starting to clue us in…) 
That person being my father who lives a
20 minute round trip away. 

 Friend arrives to drop off some clothing for our
son and smells the mess.  Watching in horror and humour she laughs long and hard (and squishes
her butt out of the way in lightning speed as I
run for towels) when I do The Stupidest Thing. 

 And to truly emphasize the stupid part I will admit to having done this previously and thereby possibly proving that you can’t teach THIS old dog new tricks.  (Which is of course a fallacy, especially after Dr. Norman Doidge’s neuroplasticity findings.  The Brain That Changes Itself is an AMAZING read…but alas I have jumped topics…)

 The Stupid Thing?  Imagine me ever-so-gracefully lifting the back of the toilet bowl, carefully setting aside lid, dumping in an over-sized pail of water, and the opening the flapper (sort of like a heart valve for those of you who, like me, are not plumbing experts – it allows the tank water to spew down into the bowl, except that when the bowl is already at capacity where else is that extra water to go?)…

 Brown water cascading on to floor, hysterical laughter from afore-mentioned friend, Jeff diving into bathtub quicker than he used to slide into a base, and my speedy movements to the linen closet…

Stupid stupid stupid!

 Jeff has returned, yawning, from the drive to my parents to obtain the treasure-like snake.  I am near to vomiting when he attempts to manipulate it into the miry mess in a clockwise direction without gloves...finally he gives in to my persistent nagging and puts on fancy lime green rubber ones but refuses to take off brand new fleece jacket.  Having learned perhaps only one lesson throughout eight years of marriage, I hastily flee scene before further opening yap.

 Midnight:  unlike previous years when I could pull all-nighters even I am, with my continually broken sleep, fighting to keep my eyelids open.  Exhausted, cranky, back aching from turns at plunging, I have finally come to the place I should have been at since the beginning…

 Asking God for some help.  “Why?”  I am not yelling nor do I truly want a reason.  I just want Him to know how we are doing (as if He doesn’t already) and that we are begging for some assistance.  “I can’t handle this now, Lord.  I can barely handle the average day lately let alone one with unfeasibly low amounts of REM sleep.  I can’t handle four kids and two adults with no toilet.  I just don’t have the strength.”

12:30am  A New Day.  Thank God for all-night grocery stores as Jeff has headed to one to see if they have anything of use – a new plunger (ours has gone “wonky” from all the pressure and our red-knobbed palms prove it) or some sort of chemical or anything at this point….”environment schmironment” I whisper to myself though I do feel guilt at the possibility of utilizing something for which muscles and green eco-tricks should have solved…

Well, enough of this saga though it continues...